Friday, March 31, 2017

Five on Friday

Hi!  I know it's been quiet on here.  Hopefully now that we are healing and moving on I can get a few updates written.

But for on 5 things I'm currently loving.

Living Proof Full Dry Volume Blast

Now that I've (finally) gotten this whole dry shampoo thing down, I LOVE using this on the mornings I wash my hair.  It gives me some volume without having to tease.  Which prevents me from giving myself a rats nest before Day 2.

These kick butt booties from Amazon!

(horrible picture.  Sorry)

 I needed a new pair of black heeled booties to wear with my dress slacks.  I found these when they were under $20.  So comfy, and very true to size.

These kick butt ankle pants from Gap.

Seriously.  They are stretchy, but hold their shape.  Washable and wear so well!  I went back and ordered another pair in black and one in navy.
They are like leggings only better.

This boy.

I won't lie, the past two months have been hard on me.  But this kid?  He has made my heart so happy.

No More Diapers!
We bought our last box of Overnight Diapers!!
Our lil stud has woken up dry every morning this week and from every nap!!

Ah.  The joys of parenthood :)

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Monday, March 13, 2017

The Announcement that Isn't

Last week I had a post scheduled.

It was cute.  Happy and cheerful.

We had pictures taken.  Each of us representing our season of birth.  I was winter, in my pea coat with a fluffy hat and mittens.  Justin was spring in a pastel shirt and tie.  #wiggydiggy was fall, in boots and a colorful sweater.  Summer was represented by a beach ball with sunglasses on top.

The picture read - Someone to Celebrate in every Season.

My due date was September 18th.  Just a few short days before summer would turn to fall.

Instead of announcing our family expanding by one (finally!!) I instead am still a wreck emotionally.

At my 8 week ultrasound the gestational sac was empty.  The tech felt my due date could be off by up to three weeks.  I knew better.

At the follow-up ultrasound the following week there was no change.  I knew it was a miscarriage and I was willing to accept it and move on.  We tried for over a year and we miscarried before, I knew that our window for a second child was rapidly closing and I wanted to move on so we could try just one more time.

This time was different.
So very very different.

I was asked to go for a third ultrasound and a few more blood tests.  Friday night at 8 PM I got the phone call.

Molar Pregnancy.

This means, my baby was never a baby.  It was a tumor.  They wanted me in surgery as soon as possible.

Now we are waiting for the phone to ring with test results.  I am no longer pregnant, and I may never be pregnant again.

I am SO grateful that we have our son.  That we conceived him naturally and my pregnancy was a breeze.
I am SO grateful that he is healthy and happy.

I am devastated that he may never be a brother.
I am devastated I may never carry another child, never nurse another infant.  I may never hear another tiny voice ask for 'Mama'.
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Wednesday, March 8, 2017

His Hand

His hand is my rock.
It’s the hand that held mine each time we were told a pregnancy was non-viable.
It’s the hand that held mine when we were told surgery was the only option this time.
It’s the hand that holds mine in the middle of the night while we sleep.
It’s the hand that held mine as I delivered our miracle son after the easiest pregnancy.
It’s the hand that holds mine during church as I pray for love and grace for our family.
It’s the hand that holds mine while we take a family walk.
It’s the hand I reach for when I want him to know how much I love him.

I love him from the depths of the ocean to the edges of the universe.  
I will do anything to keep holding his hand.

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