Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The Pregnancy Wars

I'm in the midst of a mind war.
Did I ask to be?  No.
Did I want to be?  No.

I'm simply a by-stander who was pulled in by game-playing girls who feel that it's all a competition.

My only grievance?  I'm pregnant.

That's right.  I'm the target of this ugly, foul tasting, competition because someone else is insecure enough to make it so.  I spent the evening crying to my husband over the issue.  I tried so hard.  I opened myself and my home up to them.  I extended my friendship and my kindness only to be bushed aside over and over and over again.  When J and I found out we were pregnant again, we agreed to keep it to ourselves until after the first trimester.  Then one started calling and texting DAILY saying 'I know you're pregnant, just tell me.'  When I finally caved under the pressure, she walked off in a gloat.  She pulled the information from me and was able to hold it over my head.

Then it got worse.  I was asked non-stop about my pregnancy and the baby.  Asking insignificant question that in hindsight were golden nuggets of information.  The WHOLE time she herself was pregnant.  Did I ever ask or berate her?  Make her feel insignificant?  Absolutely not.  Yet she rubbed her announcement in my face - and I'm paraphrasing here - told me she was 'so much better' than me for staying quiet.

It's lonely here in Montana.  All of my trust worthy, dependable, and loving girl friends live two states away.  It's an effort to keep in touch and maintain our relationships, but I do it because I love them and they are amazing women I am blessed to have in my life.

But these pregnancy wars?  They make me want to pack up my bags and move back.

And it's not just one girl.  It's a few.  It's the constant questions and nit-picking so someone can have a 'better shower' or a 'nicer nursery'.  When did it become a competition?  We are growing a human being!  We are creating life!  This should be a joyus and wonderful time!

Instead, it's sad and painful.

We heard the heartbeat today and I couldn't get excited.  All I could think is, well I didn't miscarry....so the war will rage on.  The backstabbing, the pettiness, then hurt.

Depressing?  Yes.  So so much.

And I still have months to endure.

Pray for me.

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